Back Home
by Skylines Turn
Summary: Two years after Big Time Rush's demise, James goes back to Minnesota to find out what he's missing. Kendall/James, eventual Logan/Carlos.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Well, here it is - my first attempt at a slash multi-chap fic. Any feedback is definitely appreciated.

The title for this story comes from "Back Home," a song by Yellowcard. I actually came up with the idea for this story before I even was looking for a name and it's extremely strange how perfectly that song fits. I guess it was just meant to be.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

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><p>Thinking.<p>

That's all Kendall Knight seems to be doing anymore, the chill of the ice below him soothing his brain. As the metal blades from the bottom of his skates slice through the surface below, his mind wanders off, thinking of how he ended up back here in Minnesota. He isn't angry or bitter about his current situation; just a bit frustrated about how it all came to be. He hadn't thought about it in months, maybe even a year at this point. His thoughts circle around his head just as he circles the rink, hands shoved deep into his pockets as the background music keeps him company.

On his tenth lap around the perimeter, he finally decides to grab the cones from the center of the rink, left there after the final skating class that night. Kendall smirks to himself as he weaves between them, dreaming of the former glory he felt while still in high school, fading back to the packed stands chanting his name. His teammates and best friends would be by his side celebrating the win, but he was their captain. Those were his moments to shine; all the praise was for him, and him alone.

Kendall bit his lip to control the bitterness boiling up from his stomach as he skated off the rink, placing the cones on the bench near the open gate. He sat next to the stack, unlacing the skates and placing them under the bench until the next morning when he would return to work and start the day over again. Sliding his feet into his well-worn sneakers, Kendall walked up the bleachers into the tiny announcer booth to shut down the P.A. system. As he quickly bounced down the stairs, he heard what sounded like the massive steel doors at the entrance slamming shut.

After locking the gate to the rink itself, Kendall carefully made his way around the corner towards the front of the building, cutting through the concessions area to peek through the glass window. He noticed a tall figure slowly moving through the wide empty hallway. Kendall ducked down just enough, keeping his eyes level with the counter. The figure moved through the second set of doors, into the main room where the rink was. Kendall groaned quietly to himself, knowing that the leisurely skating session he decided to have caused him to shut down the arena later than normal._ If only I had locked the doors on time,_ he thought. _Then, I wouldn't be dealing with whoever this fucking weirdo is._

As Kendall slowly moved from the concessions area back to the main room, he noticed that the tall figure was now fidgeting with the lock on the rink.

"Hey!" Kendall shouted as he moved from his hiding spot from the corner of the room. "You can't do that, we're closed!"

The figure, which Kendall now identified as a man wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up and sunglasses on, backed away slowly with his hands in the air.

"Sorry…" he stammered out quietly. "Just thought they would have kept the same old broken locks they had here for the past twenty years…"

Past twenty years? Kendall knew every person who used this rink by first, middle, and last name. After all, as owner of the local ice rink, this was his kind of business to know. He may have only been in charge for two short years, but he knew what he was doing and was damn proud of it. Kendall shook his head and took a few more steps closer to the other man.

"What's your name?" Kendall asked, sounding a bit hesitant and nervous, like he was frightened of this "intruder."

"Really?" The other man scoffed at the question, chuckling deeply as he shook his head. Kendall clenched his fists at his side as his temper started to rise.

"Look, it was a simple question," Kendall said, his teeth grinding against one another. He didn't like this guy's attitude, not on his own turf anyway.

"Haven't changed a bit, have you, Knight?" The man chuckled again, this time a bit lighter. Kendall felt even more flustered at the comeback, his brain searching for an answer. _There wasn't anyone in this town that visited the rink that was this tall, dressed this well, or…_

"James…" Kendall looked up from the concrete floor, his fists loosening and voice becoming softer. The other man flashed his smile as he removed his hood and sunglasses, neatly folding them and sliding them onto his shirt.

"Surprise?" James laughed again, the sound echoing off the walls of the arena. Kendall remained frozen in place, his head tilted to the side with one eyebrow raised, studying his former best friend in front of him. James' smile fell as Kendall stayed put, not budging an inch.

"Aren't you going to, y'know…" James moved closer, his voice a bit more subdued. "Tell me how much you missed me?"

And there it was again. The bitterness Kendall had forgotten about suddenly rushed back through his system, the blood pumping through his veins as he clenched his fists yet again. The adrenaline rush was something Kendall happily welcomed back as he raised his fist, swiftly connecting it to James' jaw. The pop star's body hit the Plexiglas wall as he shouted in surprise, Kendall rushing to grab his duffel bag from the bench next to them.

Before stomping off to finish up some paperwork in his office, Kendall stared down at the seemingly fragile man leaning against the rink wall, holding his now bruising jaw.

"Welcome back to Minnesota," Kendall sneered, slinging his bag over his shoulder before making his way down to the small office right outside the opposite end of the rink.

While Kendall stormed off down to the other room, James slowly stood up, rubbing his now sensitive jaw line, lips twisting into a goofy grin.

_I missed you too, buddy._

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><p>Kendall flung his duffel bag into the large armchair resting in the corner of his "office;" a room that had definitely seen better days. A worn wooden desk sat in the middle of the room, stacks of paperwork and binders scattered across the desktop. A large bookshelf took up the wall on the right, filled with gold and silver trophies from over the years. An old desktop computer monitor hummed as Kendall sat in the flimsy office chair in front of it, moving the mouse to awaken the machine from its slumber. After pulling out a folded piece of paper and opening it, Kendall started typing the day's numbers into a spreadsheet. His fingers hit each key hard, but the clicking of the keyboard was barely audible over his racing thoughts.<p>

_Why is he here?_ Kendall gritted his teeth as the thoughts poured out. _Of all the fucking places he could go, why here? Why now?_ He groaned as the ancient computer lagged as he entered the numbers, just wanting to get out of the rink and back home as fast as he could, as far away as he could from James.

As soon as the document saved, Kendall jumped out of the rickety chair, snatching his duffel from the chair and exiting the office after locking and slamming the door behind him. He did a quick walk around the arena, searching for any sign that James could still be there, but everything was just as it was. He let out a deep breath as he shut down all the lights before walking slowly through the exit, knowing that James could pop back in the rink at any time while he was home.

_Fantastic._

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><p>The drive back to his apartment was quiet and too slow. All Kendall wanted to do was go home, crack open a beer, and watch television before drifting off to sleep. But of course, that one damn thought couldn't leave his mind; he couldn't shut his brain off. The radio began to play a familiar, upbeat track.<p>

"…And now here's the newest song coming from James Diamond!" The disc jockey said, talking over the instrumental intro of the track. "According to certain sources, the pop star is enjoying some time off back home – maybe he's getting our favorite boy band back together!"

"NO!" Kendall shouted, as if the DJ could hear him through his car stereo as his fingers started pressing buttons – it didn't matter what they did, just as long as that godforsaken song by that asshole stopped playing. The radio tuned itself to a classical station and Kendall let out another deep breath, rubbing his face with his free hand. He couldn't handle all of this today, knowing that James was within a few miles of him at any given moment.

After parking in his driveway, Kendall walked up the path to his backdoor, unlocking it and walking inside. He threw his keys down on the counter, kicking off his shoes as he headed straight for the refrigerator. The chill from it felt good against Kendall's flushed skin as he grabbed a bottle of beer, grabbing it before he walked to his bedroom.

Kendall placed the bottle on the nightstand as he stripped out of his clothes from that day, leaving him only in his boxers. He plugged his phone in to charge and clicked on the television set before lounging in bed against his mountain of pillows. He cracked open the bottle, taking a long sip. The taste was familiar and instantly helped him relax from what started off as a stress-free day. A sudden buzzing came from the table next to the bed, and Kendall glanced over to see the screen illuminated with a very familiar name and picture. He placed the bottle back down as he answered.

"Logan, you will not believe what happened today," Kendall said, not even bothering to say hello. All he could hear from the other end was a groan.

"Well, hi to you too," Logan said sarcastically. "My day was great, thanks for asking!"

"Sorry!" Kendall sighed. "But you have to hear what happened!"

"Fine, go ahead."

"So, I was closing up the rink like I always do at night, right?" Kendall started to explain. "But some guy comes waltzing in, messing with the lock on the gate and I go to confront him and he just laughs!"

Kendall could hear Logan chuckling on the other end.

"So?" Logan laughed lightly. "People come in after hours all the time! And you pretty much always let them skate!"

"That's not the point!" Kendall shouted a bit, feeling the anger rise again. "It was different this time!"

"What was different?" Logan laughed, still amused by his friend's anguish over the situation.

"The guy…" Kendall paused. "He's… he's not from here."

"So, did you tell him your operating hours?" Logan inquired. "Or did you let him skate or what? Kendall, seriously, what is the big deal here?"

"It was James!" Kendall cut off Logan's trail of thought and suddenly there was no laughter on the other end.

"It couldn't be, I thought he was…" Logan's voice was quiet, trailing off towards the end of his words. "Shit, man."

"Exactly…" Kendall sighed deeply once again.

"I don't know what to say, did you talk to him?"

"If by talk you mean 'Listen to him be an ass, then punch him.'"

"Kendall! You didn't!"

"I did, I couldn't control myself!"

"I thought you were over it, over him leaving the band!"

"I thought I was too but apparently not!"

Kendall could hear Logan let out a deep sigh, followed by a long pause. He knew Logan had his 'thinking face' on, trying to figure out some piece of advice to offer to his friend.

"Look, I have to get up early for clinicals," Logan stated. "But if I think of anything, I'll let you know."

"Alright," Kendall sighed once again. "Let Carlos know he's back, too. Maybe he'll get an idea."

"I bet he will," Logan chuckled a bit. "You should see how creative he gets with his projects for his students, dude was destined to be a teacher, you can just tell."

Kendall cracked a small smile, imagining Carlos in front of a whole classroom of first graders, explaining the colors of the rainbow, or why wearing a helmet is important for your personal safety.

"Night, Kendall," Logan said. "Don't beat yourself up over this, okay?"

"Thanks for listening, Logan," Kendall replied. "Goodnight." He removed the phone from his ear, ending the call and finishing off his beer.

As the television channel went from regular programming to infomercials, Kendall dozed off to sleep, dreaming of a different life where the four hockey players from Minnesota actually stayed true to their word and never let that singing thing or that town change them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** I feel the need to apologize profusely to all of you that have put this story on alert. I began writing it while I had ample free time, but in the time since finishing and posting the first story, I received a bit of a promotion at work and have doubled my working hours. I'm finally getting back into a rhythm with things, so updates should come more frequently. This chapter is a little on the short side, but don't fret. As we progress, things will definitely pick up.

With that being said, thank you SO much for any feedback given so far. Whether you've written a review, added the story to alert, or anything along those lines... just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know we're only two chapters in so far, but I hope you guys keep enjoying what I've written. Please keep reading and reviewing, I will start responding to reviews this week!

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

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><p>It wasn't the first night Kendall didn't get a good night's sleep since the break-up, but it was definitely the most annoying. He was able to shake off most restless nights, knowing that James was in a whole different world away from him. But now, he was back. Kendall was frustrated that he didn't have a choice, that he couldn't escape from James this one time. Normally, a flip of the radio or a click of the TV could solve the problem, but it was going to take more than that this time around.<p>

As his alarm clock buzzed loudly at 6:30 AM right on the dot, Kendall's fist collided with the top of the unit to silence it. He lazily swung his body to the edge of the bed, sitting up and yawning before slowly standing up and heading for his closet. He slipped on a faded pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, a button up flannel plaid shirt, and a red beanie before going to the bathroom to finish his morning routine. After strolling out of the bathroom five minutes later, Kendall cooked himself some bacon to go with eggs and toast, sitting at the table to catch up on some of his morning e-mails on his phone. He scrolled through, answering quick questions about scheduling private parties or signing up for skating lessons, but his mind wandered off once again. The churning and bubbling of emotions laying in the pit of his stomach becoming more apparent as each second passed, the tapping of his fingertips on the touchscreen becoming more intense as the thoughts rolled through his mind.

A text interrupted his typing spree, jolting him back to the real world. It was only a reminder from his younger sister, Katie, that she was already at the rink, waiting for Kendall to come unlock the gates so she could start preparing for her lessons. He groaned and finished up his meal, tossing the dishes quickly in the sink before wiping his mouth with a napkin, grabbing his duffel and heading out the back door.

The radio was quiet as he drove back to the rink, pushing every thought of James out of his mind. I have to focus, he thought. He can't throw me off like this, he's nothing to me. The tranquility of the ride was interrupted then by Kendall's phone, a bright photo of Carlos lighting up the screen before he unlocked it.

"Hello?"

"So it's true, it's really true?" Carlos shouted enthusiastically, almost on the brink of sounding truly excited. Kendall could only stifle a groan.

"Yep. Diamond's back in town."

"But why? I thought he was all busy with his new album or whatever."

"You think I know? Carlos, you know I am the LAST person to ever keep up with him."

"I know, I know. But it's not like you've been able to avoid him completely. He's on TV, on the radi-"

"Carlos! I know! No need to remind me."

"Sorry, dude. Just trying to figure this all out myself. Logan has a few theories but they were so long and I was trying to work on a lesson plan, he knows how easily I lose focus!"

Kendall chuckled, shaking his head as he wondered how Logan and Carlos managed to balance each other out without getting on each others' nerves.

"Well, I doubt I'll see him anytime soon. I kinda made it known I didn't want him hanging around."

"Kendall, seriously. When has James ever taken no for an answer?"

He paused, sighing into the phone, knowing the answer.

"Look, I'd love to talk this out more but if I don't get coffee before this class, I'm going to die. Literally just die, Kendall."

"I'll keep you updated then, Carlos. Have a good day."

"You too, don't let him get to you more than he already has."

The call ended and Kendall remembered everything that happened. His grip on the steering wheel relaxed, his shoulders slumping back against the car seat, finally allowing himself to take a deep, relaxed breath. He parked in his usual parking space, taking his sweet time grabbing his bag before strolling up to his younger sister, who was leaning against the brick wall of the complex.

"Are you ever going to remember I teach every week, same day, same time?" Katie spat, a bit annoyed. Kendall chuckled, sorting through the silver keys on his keyring as she continued babbling his ear off. "Unlike you, I have to prepare myself to teach my students, I can't just ride on the fact that I was some high school wunderkind!"

"Do you even know what that means?" Kendall laughed, sliding the key into the door, opening it to let the two of them inside.

"Yes, jeez! Do you still think I'm ten?" Katie rolled her eyes, heading to the bench near the rink.

"Look, it's not easy realizing you're growing up!" Kendall stated, swinging his bag down onto the floor, leaning against the rink wall. "Trust me, hold onto these years as best you can. Don't waste them on things you'll regret later."

Katie stopped lacing her skates up, staring up at her older brother.

"I thought you were over this..." She frowned a bit. "Or should I say, over hi-"

"Don't even start with that!" Something snapped within Kendall again and this time, he couldn't keep it all in. "I'm just saying that you need to consider all your choices! Don't do something just to make someone else happy, focus on yourself first!"

Katie just chuckled, going back to lacing her skates up.

"I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore," she sighed, finishing up on her other skate before standing up, nearly meeting her brother's eye line. "The Kendall I know used to put everyone first. He actually cared."

As Katie unlocked the gate to the rink and took her first few strides on the fresh ice, Kendall stood frozen in place. His sister always had a way of putting things in the most simple of terms, bringing up points Kendall would shy away from. While others would sugarcoat the truth, she would tell it like it was - that was how Katie Knight handled any situation.

Kendall shook his head, leaning over to take his things before heading over to his office. He threw the bag in the same place he did yesterday, pressing a few buttons on a small stereo next to his desk. Some loud music from the local alternative station started to play, Kendall mumbling along as he plopped down in the old desk chair. Kendall waited for the old desktop as it took a few moments to turn on, the music calming the old thoughts once again. Leave it to Katie to rip open the old wounds even more than James had the night prior. His fingers took to typing once his documents had opened and Kendall worked the better part of the morning away, wishing for the first time since arriving home from Hollywood to be anywhere other than Minnesota.

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><p>He never would have guessed it, but working out some numbers in a spreadsheet really calmed Kendall's nerves. Feeling proud of himself for ignoring the painfully obvious feelings for as long as he did, he awarded himself to take a lunch break away from pressing matters, grabbing a pretzel from the rink's concession stand before climbing up the bleachers to the announcer's booth. As he dipped the salty bites into some nacho cheese sauce, he watched Katie with her class of youngsters, showing them basic skating techniques. He giggled to himself as some of the children scooted around the ice on their knees or backsides, his sister trying her hardest not to lose her temper. The pretzel was gone shortly after and Kendall groaned to himself, wishing he had grabbed at least one more.<p>

However, his hunger problem was replaced with a bigger one as he watched James Diamond practically sashay onto the ice up to Katie, tapping her on the shoulder. She turned slowly, practically tripping back into the Plexiglas behind her as she realized who it was. Kendall ducked down slightly, trying to hide himself from the impending exposure of his current location. After composing herself, Katie sure enough pointed up to the booth, James thanking her with a big smile before expertly sliding off the ice, taking the bleacher stairs two at a time. Kendall went into panic mode, ducking under the small counter amongst the PA system wiring. He tilted his head back, knocking into the counter, causing the CD Katie had carefully chosen to skip loudly. He just sat there, sighing deeply, slowly starting to accept his fate.

As a pair of perfectly polished leather boots appeared on the floor in front of him, Kendall moved his gaze upwards. James still had that bright smile on his face, as if nothing Kendall had said or done the night previous had any effect on him. On the other hand, he did notice the new, but small, bruise along James' jaw which filled Kendall with some sort of strange satisfaction. James leaned down, offering his hand out to the other man.

"Come on, I don't think you can stay under there all day!" James practically giggled. Kendall scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"You don't know a thing about me anymore, got it?"

"Look, I'm just trying to help..."

"Well, stop!" Kendall shouted, finally freeing himself from the twisted wire confines of the booth, standing up to face his ex-bandmate. "I don't need your help and I definitely don't need you popping up in my life every fucking day!"

James stood there silently, just studying Kendall as his chest moved up and down, the rage from the previous day's events seeping into the current argument. The tension remained as Kendall placed his palms on the counter behind him, leaning back slightly.

"Just..." Kendall sighed, rubbing his face as he composed himself. "Just tell me why you're here."

"Well, do you want the whole story or what?" James finally spoke, his glossy facade broken for the first time since he'd arrived back in his hometown. Kendall moved his hands back to the counter, meeting James' gaze once again. The smile was gone, replaced by firm straight lips. His eyes were soft, no longer holding the joyous hazel color Kendall had known so well.

"I guess..." Kendall trailed off, hoping to stop James' sudden interest in the old rink. "But I'm busy today, I can't just take off from my job whenever I want like some people."

"Look, message received." James held up his hands in front of him. "I just want to talk. Like friends. We were friends once, remember? Hockey, best buds, Big Time Ru-"

"Yes, I remember! Christ, do you think I'm stupid?" Kendall's emotions were flowing from one extreme to the next. "Tomorrow, noon, that cafe down by Logan's old place. Think of what you want to say because I'm only giving you an hour."

James nodded solemnly, reaching for his phone to type in the time and place. "It's a date."

His lips twisted into another signature James Diamond smirk, but he knew better to duck this time when Kendall took a swing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Oh, gosh. I can't even begin to express how sorry I am for leaving you all hanging on only the second chapter. My life got crazy busy and left me with no motivation to focus on continuing this story. However, thanks to an amazing review from **Clarry** and the encouragement from my good friend and amazing beta, Danielle, we're back in business. I thank you for your patience.

Believe me, you'll get all the details and history before the end of the story. If there's ever a specific question you have or something you'd like to see be addressed, leave it in a review. I'll consider it and try to cover everything by this story's end.

Thank you so much for all of the reviews, follows, favorites and general encouragement. This wouldn't be continuing if it weren't for all of you :)

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

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><p>After a near repeat of the first night of his return, James scampered back down the steps, practically giggling to himself after avoiding Kendall's fist. Kendall could only groan in frustration, rubbing his face, trying to shake every feeling building up inside of him. While taking a few deep breaths, his eyes shifted down, meeting Katie's stare. Kendall gave her a 'What was I supposed to do!' look, throwing his hands in the air before she went back to tending to her kids.<p>

Doing the only thing he thought could help him calm down, Kendall returned to his office, lounging back in his chair as he dialed Logan. After a few rings, he picked up.

"Hello?"

"We're going to lunch tomorrow."

"We are? But what if I'm busy, why didn't you ask me first!" Logan giggled.

"Shut up, you know what I meant," Kendall groaned. "I'm giving him one hour of my time, and if he can't give me a reason to finally forgive him, then I'm done!"

There was a sigh on the other end, followed by a lengthy pause.

"Kendall, look… I know you took the band breaking up the hardest, but maybe it's time you let it go. The label was debating dropping us because our last album tanked, you know, the whole boy band return was kind of played out. I got into that med program I applied to, Carlos got accepted to school…" Logan paused again before continuing. "I may never know why you couldn't bounce back as well as we did. Hell, you were the unofficial leader of our group. You didn't have to settle for the rink."

"I didn't settle!" Kendall retorted. "The rink needed me. I couldn't let them down, that place was our childhood, Logan. My favorite part of home."

"I know, I'm just saying that it seemed like you…" he trailed off, sighing once again. "It felt like you gave up on yourself."

Kendall let the statement sink in, letting the words process as he did every time he heard a similar answer. Katie had told him, his mother had told him – even Carlos had mentioned in passing how Kendall had changed over the past few years. It wasn't as if Kendall was totally oblivious to the cold hard facts – he knew his life wasn't exactly what he originally planned it to be, but he was rolling with the punches, taking the few opportunities he was granted and using them to his full advantage. Whether or not everyone else saw it that way was really none of Kendall's concern; he had been dealing with what life dished him since the break-up. It was James' return that was really screwing things up.

"I appreciate the concern, but I promise you I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love it," Kendall stated. "Being in the group with you guys made me miss a lot of opportunities, and yeah, I was bummed out when I realized I couldn't go back and make up for lost time, but I moved on. I've accepted it, okay?"

"Fine," Logan sighed. "I may be a genius, but you're a piece of work."

"Wow, thanks," Kendall finally managed to chuckle.

"Anytime. Hey, so, I'm assuming you didn't just call to tell me about this lunch with James. Feeling like you might need backup?"

"Totally, you dudes up for it?"

"You know we're always there for you, Kendall. You got the time and place?"

"Yeah, I'll text you. Thanks, Logan."

"Hey, anytime. It's nice to finally not be the one panicking under pressure."

Logan and Kendall shared a quick laugh before ending their call, Kendall feeling slightly better about the whole situation. It may not be the end of the bitterness, but it was at least a start.

* * *

><p>Kendall finished up his day at the rink, filing away the day's paperwork before returning to the rink to remind the remaining skaters that he also had a home to return to. As he looked through the Plexiglas, he noticed a familiar woman around his age, chestnut brown hair tucked in a wool beanie, holding a hand of a tiny child in a bright pink sweater. He rounded the edge of the rink, opening the gate before carefully stepping onto the ice.<p>

"Charlotte!" Kendall smiled a bit. "Tell little Maddie it's time to go home!"

The woman spun slowly around, smiling back at him, one hand on her hip.

"Come on, Kendall! Just five more minutes!"

"Not tonight, it's been a long day. Katie's got control over the rink tomorrow, just tell her to let you skate for free."

"Alright, come on Maddie!" Charlotte bent down, letting the little girl slide into her arms before picking her up and walking off the ice before Kendall followed, shutting and locking the gate. Charlotte sat Maddie on the bench, unlacing her skates before Charlotte removed her own. The two were soon in their sneakers, Charlotte packing the skates in a worn tote bag.

"Got a hot date or something?" Charlotte looked up at Kendall, giggling and scrunching her nose a bit. Kendall managed to laugh a bit.

"Come on, Char," he smiled. "You know the only hot dates I attend are the ones with you…"

"I hardly think that calling me up when you're ten beers deep and need a ride home from the bar could be considered a hot date," she laughed. "But, maybe the part that inevitably comes after that every once in a while could translate into something more…"

Kendall chuckled a little, sighing as he replayed the night Charlotte and him had been intimate. He was at his favorite local bar after work, just getting his favorite burger and beer. Soon, the program on the television attached to the wall in front of him flashed photos of none other than James himself, strutting around LA with a tall, drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman, practically eating her face off as he leaned her against whatever sturdy surface he could find. Kendall snapped, blowing most of whatever cash he had in his wallet on the strongest drinks he could afford. Last call rolled around and so did Charlotte to pick Kendall up after a ten minute drunken conversation on his phone.

Kendall shook his head, snapping back to the current moment. "Very funny, Char…"

"You know I'm just kidding," she giggled. "Loosen up, Kendall."

"Yeah, Kenny! Loosen up!" Maddie added, giggling to herself, obviously not in tune with the true meaning of the conversation. Kendall could only laugh and shake his head.

"Maddie, go take your sister home," he smiled. "Katie will see you two tomorrow."

The child smiled big and jumped off the bench, practically tugging Charlotte along with her, waving to Kendall playfully as they exited the rink completely.

As he completed his evening duties, he felt the familiar ping of guilt he experienced any time Charlotte mentioned being more than just friends. No one knew the exact reason why they ended up in bed together except Kendall, and he didn't plan on telling another soul how his ex-best friend and band mate broke his heart.

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><p>Kendall texted Logan the time and location of where James and he would be meeting for lunch before jumping in the shower the next morning. Just like the night previous, he barely got a full night of sleep, finding himself tossing and turning in his sheets, playing every possible scenario over and over again in his mind. After getting out of the shower and drying off, Kendall got dressed and brushed his teeth, his nerves still messing with his every thought. He fixed his hair in a mirror before grabbing his keys, heading into his car to meet up with his friends.<p>

The car ride was once again too slow, causing Kendall to jump to every conclusion possible. Was James back for good? Was he here to possibly get all the guys back together? Or maybe he was here to visit his family and thought, hey, wouldn't it be nice to apologize? Kendall couldn't help but laugh at the last thought and the familiar feeling of his stomach returned, reminding him of the night everything changed. The positivity of his thoughts vanished and was replaced by the overwhelming need to smack at least a single ounce of sense into James' head.

Pulling into the parking lot, he spotted Logan and Carlos waiting just outside the entrance to the café. Kendall parked and got out, heading over to his friends.

"I'm surprised you showed," Logan chuckled slightly, patting Kendall once on the back for support.

"That makes two of us," Kendall sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Come on, guys!" Carlos interjected, smiling wide. "It's James! We were all friends at one point, I'm sure we can all get back to that, this is a positive first step in the process!"

Logan shot him a quick glare as Kendall looked down, suddenly seeming guilty for holding a grudge this whole time. If Logan and Carlos were able to forgive him and move on, he should be able to also, right? Even if things were different between James and Kendall, surely there would be a point where it wouldn't hurt so much?

Once again, Kendall's thoughts were interrupted by the roar of an expensive sports car, practically speeding into the lot and parking surprisingly perfectly in a spot adjacent to Kendall's vehicle. James stepped out in his designer jeans and real leather jacket, shaking his hair once back into place as he joined the rest of the group. He shared a gentlemanly handshake with Logan, which escalated (surprisingly) into a hug before being tackled with one of Carlos' signature bear hug greetings.

After he was able to breathe once again, James turned to Kendall, offering a small nod. Kendall returned the gesture, nodding just slightly in his direction, their eyes barely meeting. The silence was awkward and stagnant, causing Logan to break the ice.

"Alright, who's hungry?" Logan chuckled awkwardly, ushering the group inside, asking the hostess for a table for four near the back. The men followed her, getting seated before glancing at their menus. A cheerful waitress took their drink orders, bringing back a glass of water for Logan, coffee for Carlos, tea for Kendall and some sparkling-fancy-must-be-a-California-thing for James. The boys carefully sipped their drinks as the silence grew once again.

Kendall watched James. He watched how his hair would move with just the slightest movement of his head. He watched how his eyes blinked slowly as they scanned the menu for his potential lunch. He watched how the hazel color of his eyes faded from green to blue, back to the neutral gray color. He watched James' fingertips as he turned the menu pages slowly, remembering how James used to study each song Gustavo handed to them. He watched James' lips as they curved around the straw of his drink, the pink color melting into the white of the straw…

"Dude, you're creeping me out," James' words snapped Kendall out of his daze, causing the blonde to blink rapidly, fumbling with his own menu.

"Yeah, like you're so… normal yourself," Kendall scoffed. "What are you drinking anyway? It's probably just water with food coloring in it, you're so gullible!"

"Kendall, it's called taste," James chuckled. "Not like you'd know what that is…"

Kendall rolled his eyes as he slammed the plastic menu down, nearly knocking Logan's water over in the process.

"Look, I said I'd give you an hour and you've already wasted a good ten minutes of it insulting me for no apparent reason! Either get to the story or I walk away. For good."

James relaxed in his seat, sighing as he composed himself to speak, only to get interrupted by Karen the waitress. The boys quickly ordered, practically throwing their menus at the petite older woman before she walked away. Their eyes were all glued to James as he began to speak.

"Well, I guess the main reason I came back was…" He paused, sighing a bit, reassuring himself. "I missed you guys…"

"Oh, that's rich!" Kendall let a laugh slip, rolling his eyes. "You really want us to believe that? How many times have you visited in the past two years since you fucking left us? Oh yeah, that's right, you HAVEN'T!"

"Kendall, please!" Carlos begged. "Just... just let him talk."

With a heavy sigh, Kendall waved his arm for James to continue, sinking back into the chair.

"Like I said before I was so rudely interrupted…" James shot a look at Kendall before looking back in Logan and Carlos' direction. "I missed you guys. I missed home, I missed my family. Things have been really busy and crazy and Minnesota just has that special way of bringing you back down to Earth, y'know? Making you see what's really important."

Kendall sighed to himself, thinking of how he felt every time he got the chance to relax at the rink. The chill from the ice was always a nice reminder to Kendall where he came from and made him understand why it was so easy to come back after living the Hollywood dream.

"Look, I know I left and things got crazy and everything took off so fast," James looked down, fiddling with his napkin. "But I was made for this. This is my dream. This is my destiny. You guys all came with me because you wanted this for me. I miss the support of my brothers. All of them."

James looked up and his eyes met Kendall's softer gaze, his eyes pleading for the blonde to believe him, just this once. Kendall studied James in that moment, taking in every feature, noticing how his nose still had that slight slope at the tip and how long his eyelashes were. He let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes slightly.

"We all know what it's like to miss home," Carlos replied calmly, wanting to stay civil. "A phone call or a text wouldn't hurt, y'know?"

Logan nodded, taking a drink of his water.

"We all supported your dream, James," he stated. "Even though it fizzled out, it would've been nice to get some recognition of our help. Sometimes we can't help but feel…"

"Used." Kendall interjected, cutting off Logan's thought, his eyes slowly opening to focus on James once more. This time, the hazel eyes were darker, sadder. The rosy color in his cheeks had all but vanished and there wasn't a signature Diamond smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Neither took their eyes off of one another, each trying to study the other's expression and peer into a soul they once knew and explored when they were younger.

As soon as James opened his mouth to speak again, their food arrived and Kendall's gaze shifted down to whatever was on his plate, seizing the opportunity to avoid whatever line of questioning was sure to be bubbling inside Logan's head. James politely ate his salad, sneaking peeks at his former band mates, but paying close attention to Kendall. He sighed quietly, focusing on his food but feeling rather distracted himself.

James finished eating first and excused himself, claiming to have previous plans with his mother and that he squeezed this lunch in, making one of them (Carlos) promise that they would all get together at least once more before he had to go back to California. After leaving enough cash for the bill and tip, James left without a second glance back to the table. As James' car flew out of the parking lot, Kendall dropped his fork down on his plate, letting out a deep sigh and slumping down in his seat.

"You know, for some reason, I get the feeling this isn't just about James leaving the band…" Carlos stated, as if he had solved the mystery perplexing all of their minds for the past two years. Logan nodded slightly, glancing at Kendall who only shrugged.

"The world may never know."


End file.
